Today's Warm Up Comedian for The Wells Report!

Listener, Roger from Ft. Worth sent The Wells Report a funny e-mail about actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos during stops. 
He is today's warm-up comedian that comes on just before the main event to warm you up and get you thinking. Thanks Roger!

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

4. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

5. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

6. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

7. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

8. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

9. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

10. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

11. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

12. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

13. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

If you have something to share for Today's Warm Up Comedian, send an e-mail to vickis@ksky.com

JON-DAVID JUDGING A CHILI COOK OFF! SUNDAY APRIL 3, 2011

Jon-David, lover of all things chili gets to judge a chili cook off this Sunday!!!  See the event details above!

Pics from Space as seen by Astronaut Douglas Wheelock

NASA astronaut Douglas Wheelock who is currently aboard the International Space Station (ISS) shares pictures of the Earth he snaps with the world through Twitter.  Known to his nearly 68,000 Twitter followers as Astro_Wheels, he has been posting impressive photos of the Earth and some of his thoughts ever since he moved into the space station in June, five months after it got Internet access. http://twitter.com/astro_wheels

Greek islands on a clear night during our flight over Europe. Athens shine brightly along the Mediterranean Sea.

'Mystery Island' ...located in the Indian Ocean close to Madagascar. Interesting features on the island and the unusual shape should be enough to help you discover this beautiful place.

 

 Northern lights in the distance in one of the finest nights over Europe. The photo clearly shows the Strait of Dover. Paris is dazzling with the city lights.  A little fog over the western part of England, particularly over London.

 The moon is breathtaking.

 At a speed of 28,163 kilometers per hour (8 kilometers per second), we rotate the Earth's orbit, making one revolution every 90 minutes, and watch sunsets and sunrises every 45 minutes. So half of our journey is

in darkness. For the work we use lights on our helmets.

Another spectacular sunset. We see 16 such sunsets each day, and each of them is really valuable.

Beautiful atoll in the Pacific Ocean, photographed using 400mm lens. Approximately 1930 km south of Honolulu.

Morning over the Andes in South America. I do not know for sure the title of this peak, but was simply amazed by her magic, stretching to the sun and wind tops.

The flash of color, movement and life on the canvas of our amazing world. This is part of the Great Barrier Reef off the east coast of Australia, photographed through the lens of 1200 mm.

 Of all the places of our beautiful planet few can rival the beauty and richness of colors in the Bahamas. In this photo, our ship is seen against the backdrop of the Bahamas.

Astronaut Douglas Wheelock

Jon-David's Dad worked at Misson Control in the 60's and imparted the importance of the Space Program.  The Wells Report supports the Astronauts who have served and are currently serving.  It is a career that brings more than  a paycheck.  It brings a lifetime of memories, fills the pages of science textbooks and fills the minds of our youth with the idea to dream and expolore, even if their feet never leave the ground.



Greater Dallas Republicans DALLAS MAYORAL CANDIDATE DEBATE SATURDAY APRIL 16TH! JON-DAVID WELLS MODERATING

Listen to Jon-David interview each of the 4 candidates the week leading up to the debate:

DAVID KUNKLE
MIKE RAWLINGS
RON NATINSKY
EDWARD OKPA

Here are some links to some news coverage/videos about each of the candidates:
David Kunkle
Mike Rawlings
Ron Natinsky
Edward Okpa

You must be the judge and cast your vote for the person you think is best for the job. Listen to The Wells Report and come out to the Debate. Meet, Listen, Ask and Decide on Saturday April 16th. Debate sponsored by the Greater Dallas Republicans.

Today's Warm Up Comedian for The Wells Report!

Listener, Dominick from Lantana sent The Wells Report an e-mail with an interesting quote.  Grab the bible and check it out.  Read it in The King James Version.  He is today's warm-up comedian that comes on just before the main event to warm you up and get you thinking!  Thanks Dominick!

"AT LAST AN EXPLANATION THAT MAKES SENSE OF IT ALL!!!!
I have often wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right" and Liberals are called the "left." By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left ."
The Bible, NKJ... Ecclesiastes 10:2
Thus sayeth the Lord.
Can we hear a big.....Amen?"


If you have something to share for Today's Warm Up Comedian, send an e-mail to vickis@ksky.com 

Today's Warm Up Comedian for The Wells Report!

Listener, Neil from Lancaster sent The Wells Report an e-mail with some funny cartoons.  He is today's warm-up comedian that comes on just before the main event to warm you up and get you thinking!  Thanks Neil!

"TO THE MOON ALICE!!!"
If you have something to share for Today's Warm Up Comedian, send an e-mail to vickis@ksky.com

 

Greater Dallas Republicans DALLAS MAYORAL CANDIDATE DEBATE! JON-DAVID WELLS MODERATING

Listen to Jon-David interview each of the 4 candidates the week leading up to the debate:
DAVID KUNKLE
MIKE RAWLINGS
RON NATINSKY
EDWARD OKPA

Here are some links to some news coverage/videos about each of the candidates:

David Kunkle
Mike Rawlings
Ron Natinsky
Edward Okpa

You must be the judge and cast your vote for the person you think is best for the job.  Listen to The Wells Report and come out to the Debate.  Meet, Listen, Ask and Decide on Saturday April 16th.  Debate sponsored by the Greater Dallas Republicans.

The Wearing O' The Green!

Sean Young, Technical Director from The Wells Report butchers the Wearing O' The Green!  You be the judge and leave comments!

Today on The Wells Report Wednesday March 16, 2011

Democrat Congressman Ed Markey wants Obama to give radiation pills to people who live within ten miles of a nuclear facility, even though it is not likely any radiation will hit US shores.  JD wants to remind everyone there is an OCEAN in between the US and Japan.  Think before you start running in little circles screaming, "We're all going to die!"  Read the story here.  To add insult to injury, Obama's Surgeon General says it's worth being prepared.

Also, A Gallup poll shows more Americans seek oil exploration, not green alternatives.  There are lots of neat-o charts and graphs for the techies out there.  Get the story right'cher.  JD says people have been swindled and they are waking up and taking matters into their own hands.  So sad for you Al Gore.  Nothing is boiling or burning up these days.  Cuddle your nobel peace prize and wait for the end!

We also talked with Dr. Diane Preston-Riley from The Real Winning Edge TV Program who matches at-risk youth kids with celebrities who can mentor.  Click for the TV Schedule.

Good Explanation of how the Japanses Nuclear Reactor works

As heard on Rush Limbaugh:
Modified version of original post written by Josef Oehmen

'The Qu'osby Show': Aasif Mandvi Makes Muslim 'Cosby Show' Pilot On 'Daily Show' (VIDEO)

Could a lovable Muslim sit-com family change America's perception of Muslims? Perhaps, but probably not the one you're about to see.

On Thursday night's "Daily Show," Aasif Mandvi followed Katie Couric's advice and created a pilot for a Muslim version of "The Cosby Show," the show that "cured racism against black people" as Mandvi put it. The result? "The Qu'osby Show"
In the entertaining segment below, Mandvi does his research and ends up starring as the patriarch in the pilot. While he hopes the show will prove that Muslims can be regular Americans, his test pilot audience doesn't exactly buy it. It turns out, "stereotypically" is the only way in which people want to see Muslims portrayed. You'll know what we mean when you hear one person's "Uncle Rahim" idea.

The Daily Show
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Courtesy of The Huffington Post